Trapped in Class

When I decided to start going to Graduate School, it was my first time in a classroom since my diagnosis immediately after Undergrad. I knew I was going to run into some uncomfortable and awkward situations, but there is a situation I had never thought of.

Let's be honest here - my entrance back into a classroom was not un-researched. I read blogs of people dealing with Crohn's in college, funny memoirs of "oops" experiences, and witty agendas geared towards breaking the ice to your professor and/or classmates. I wasn't too worried, just a three hour seminar once a week. Upon entrance to the room I sat myself on the left side (the side where the door was located), though I did not sit immediately next to the door. I took option B of moving a few rows back, just incase I was having an off day and was feeling a little theatrical with my pain and required multiple position changes. I made sure I was near an outlet, not in case my computer needed charging, but in case I was in desperate need of my best friend, the heating pad (because that would be a natural thing to whip out in the middle of a lecture). My point is, I knew what I was getting myself into, and I felt prepared.

It wasn't until this semester of classes, the fourth of being in a classroom since diagnosis, that I had a true, inescapable, painful and awkward moment. What was the situation I didn't prepare for? Forty-five minute presentations...

I just had a final for my class this semester that was a group presentation. There was six of us in the group, and though it was a combined effort, we were individually graded, and all researched our own piece. I gave my ten minute speech second, so was completed early on in the presentation. I then stepped to the side and leaned against the wall with some of my group members while every one else went through their spiels.

It's no secret that stress and anxiety can have an effect on one's body, especially I've found when dealing with Crohn's. If I've had an awfully stressful day, I can predict having a rough night with the stomach, even if I haven't eaten anything dangerous.

Public speaking scares the S!%# out of me. And let's get this straight, I'm twenty-four. It's not like I'm new to school presentations, job interviews, etc. I will say that I used to be worse; I used to panic hours leading to a presentation, and now I only get the feeling once I get talking. I just don't like all eyes on me. Long story short, my nerves were going, so naturally, my stomach followed.

I felt a little pain, but not much. Then my stomach started making awful noises. Noises that from my perspective could have competed with my group member speaking. Though by looking around the room, not many people were looking at me, so that gave me a slight sense of relief, even though as I was standing there, this was happening:



I don't think anyone in my group thought we would take so long in our presentation... they were supposed to be 25 minutes, but we were going a little overboard. As my stomach continued to gurgle and bubble, each minute turned into twenty, and I started to get a little fidgety, especially as the gurgles and bubbles turned into full on explosion of pain. I tried not to be too obvious, but staring at a nearby chair that I could not sit in due to presenting my final project made me feel so helpless! Again, though I only caught a few people glancing at me from time to time, in my mind, I looked like this:



I tried to think of any way to escape the classroom and make a run down the hall. Note: the exit was directly behind the presentation area, but I would have to cross in front of the projector in order to reach the door.

• Harry Potter's invisibility cloak? Maybe... but my bag was so far away.
• Use special mind powers to move quicker than the speed of light, so no one would see me leave? I'm still working out the glitches with this one.
• Place a card board cut out version of myself  in front of me and shimmy out behind it? Did not think ahead of time to utilize this plan.
• Simply ditch my presentation for the sake of Crohn's emergency? Psh. This obviously was a dumb idea.

Yes, I can see pushing through a group of people in the middle of their presentation in order to reach the door, but I just couldn't leave my own, it felt wrong.



(I'm sure if I did and I explained to my professor later, who is aware of my condition, that it would have been fine, but in the moment this did not cross my mind). So my nerves from public speaking got to my stomach, my stomach got to my nerves, and round and round we go.... Obviously I made it through the presentation (And got an 'A' I might add!). I'm sure no one really noticed anything, but it felt as if you had a serious eye twitch going while trying to have a really important, deep eye contact conversation with your boss, or someone at a funeral, or something like that.

The Art of the Fart

I started this blog off easy, letting you readers get to know me and my thoughts in a polite, socially acceptable way. But, this is a Crohnie blog, so at some point you had to imagine it would come to this. That's right, it's about to get pretty real over here.

My question is, why are natural things like farting such a social fo paux? Ok, I know there are many answers to that, and many people screaming at their computer screens "Because it's gross" yadda yadda, and for the most part I guess I have to agree with those. But hear me out. People have turned belching into competitions - male and female. Many people can belch on command and this is a proud skill they have! Oddly enough I've never been a belcher. And when I say never, I mean on the rare occasion that I do mutter a small burp, I shout at anyone who is with me "Hey! Did you just hear that?!" To which they normally reply no and look at me strangely because my burps, when they do occur, are really that weak. But farting - if you were to really let a loud one loose, no one would be smacking your back going "yeah, dude" - they'd give you a weird look and probably mutter something like "Aw, really?" Why is this?

Let's compare the two.

Belch: verb - to eject gas spasmodically and noisily from the stomach through the mouth; eruct.

Fart: verb - to expel intestinal gas from the anus; to break wind.

I suppose more people are comfortable with mouths than anuses. But stomach gas vs intestinal gas? I guess maybe it is in the eye of the beholder. Honestly I think belching feels gross. I don't like to re-taste my food. Or if I did, that's usually not what comes back up. It comes back up a strange, shifted version of what I ate - ew.

In personal conversations I've had with people, I also get the impression that expelling air from one's body in either direction provides relief in many situations when one feels built up, uncomfortable, or in pain. I have lots of friends who eat a big meal and maybe something didn't settle as they thought it would, and they turn to me and say "Hold on I've just got to burp and I'll feel fine." So for all of us with digestive problems, it seems we've gotten the short end of the stick because if we release this pain, it can lead to an embarrassing situation. No one turns to you and goes "Hold on I've just got to fart and I'll feel fine."

Before being diagnosed with crohn's I'll admit, like I'm sure every single person out there has, (don't lie about it) - I used to hold such things in. I went along with the social fo paux of farting. But after being diagnosed with crohn's I have to say, if you hold it in, it makes the pain stay longer, which is not a good feeling, and with crohn's usually just creates a domino effect of bad feelings. And I get it, I don't really want to be around people "breaking wind" constantly either. I'm not advocating that I want to be that disgusting girl sitting next to you letting them rip as I please, believe me, I don't consider myself to be that obnoxiously gross of a human being (especially of the female variety). I'm just saying, if it happens, it would be nice not to be criticized so extremely and made to feel bad about something I can not control.

So, I've devised the art of the fart in my crohnie experience. It's not really rocket science though, I just want to be an advocate for people with IBD out there to not let yourself sit there in pain! If you're walking around with people, hang back, don't lead the way. Ok, if you're at a movie or another quiet place, perhaps you should just "go to the bathroom". And yes, if you're on a first date, probably not the best choice. At a dance party, be that sneaky ass hole who moves to the other side of the floor, farts, then moves back to your original dance spot. But my main point here is, farting should be no less worse than burping (unless you produce an odor in which case, I'm sorry I can't help ya there...Perhaps you could just wear the sign below).

So if you let one out on accident, don't let people make you feel bad about it! Stand up for your condition and say hey, I've got issues all up in my digestive system and I can't help it. Like you've never farted before?

And just laugh at yourself, because if you can't do that, no one can laugh with you.