Fall Is Here!

Fall is here! I absolutely love fall and everything it stands for - especially here in New Hampshire. The leaves change colors, pumpkin flavored everything is out, I can whip out the boots, sweaters and scarves; it's a great season. The only thing I'm sad about this year is all of the food I can't eat at the fair! (I'm going tomorrow). I love fair food. But let's list my favorites: caramel apples, popcorn, blooming onions, fried dough. Basically all things that will send me straight to a disgusting fair porta-potty - gross. Le sigh. I refuse NOT to have fried dough though. Tell me how can you pass up greasy deliciousness covered in cinnamon and powdered sugar? You can't would be the correct answer. Good thing I have this trusty card:

...not that I've ever had to use it, but it does make me feel better when I go places, just in case.

In other, unrelated news, I was hoping that as I tapered off the prednisone (I'm down to 15 mg now!) the symptoms would go away, but that seems to not be the case. Especially the hot flashes - I feel like those have only gotten worse! This is me every day:

Luckily for me, fall is that wonderful time of year where my office has turned the heat on, but the air conditioner is still in the window, so I can just switch back and forth as my middle-aged-woman acts up.

The Art of the Fart

I started this blog off easy, letting you readers get to know me and my thoughts in a polite, socially acceptable way. But, this is a Crohnie blog, so at some point you had to imagine it would come to this. That's right, it's about to get pretty real over here.

My question is, why are natural things like farting such a social fo paux? Ok, I know there are many answers to that, and many people screaming at their computer screens "Because it's gross" yadda yadda, and for the most part I guess I have to agree with those. But hear me out. People have turned belching into competitions - male and female. Many people can belch on command and this is a proud skill they have! Oddly enough I've never been a belcher. And when I say never, I mean on the rare occasion that I do mutter a small burp, I shout at anyone who is with me "Hey! Did you just hear that?!" To which they normally reply no and look at me strangely because my burps, when they do occur, are really that weak. But farting - if you were to really let a loud one loose, no one would be smacking your back going "yeah, dude" - they'd give you a weird look and probably mutter something like "Aw, really?" Why is this?

Let's compare the two.

Belch: verb - to eject gas spasmodically and noisily from the stomach through the mouth; eruct.

Fart: verb - to expel intestinal gas from the anus; to break wind.

I suppose more people are comfortable with mouths than anuses. But stomach gas vs intestinal gas? I guess maybe it is in the eye of the beholder. Honestly I think belching feels gross. I don't like to re-taste my food. Or if I did, that's usually not what comes back up. It comes back up a strange, shifted version of what I ate - ew.

In personal conversations I've had with people, I also get the impression that expelling air from one's body in either direction provides relief in many situations when one feels built up, uncomfortable, or in pain. I have lots of friends who eat a big meal and maybe something didn't settle as they thought it would, and they turn to me and say "Hold on I've just got to burp and I'll feel fine." So for all of us with digestive problems, it seems we've gotten the short end of the stick because if we release this pain, it can lead to an embarrassing situation. No one turns to you and goes "Hold on I've just got to fart and I'll feel fine."

Before being diagnosed with crohn's I'll admit, like I'm sure every single person out there has, (don't lie about it) - I used to hold such things in. I went along with the social fo paux of farting. But after being diagnosed with crohn's I have to say, if you hold it in, it makes the pain stay longer, which is not a good feeling, and with crohn's usually just creates a domino effect of bad feelings. And I get it, I don't really want to be around people "breaking wind" constantly either. I'm not advocating that I want to be that disgusting girl sitting next to you letting them rip as I please, believe me, I don't consider myself to be that obnoxiously gross of a human being (especially of the female variety). I'm just saying, if it happens, it would be nice not to be criticized so extremely and made to feel bad about something I can not control.

So, I've devised the art of the fart in my crohnie experience. It's not really rocket science though, I just want to be an advocate for people with IBD out there to not let yourself sit there in pain! If you're walking around with people, hang back, don't lead the way. Ok, if you're at a movie or another quiet place, perhaps you should just "go to the bathroom". And yes, if you're on a first date, probably not the best choice. At a dance party, be that sneaky ass hole who moves to the other side of the floor, farts, then moves back to your original dance spot. But my main point here is, farting should be no less worse than burping (unless you produce an odor in which case, I'm sorry I can't help ya there...Perhaps you could just wear the sign below).

So if you let one out on accident, don't let people make you feel bad about it! Stand up for your condition and say hey, I've got issues all up in my digestive system and I can't help it. Like you've never farted before?

And just laugh at yourself, because if you can't do that, no one can laugh with you.

A Thank You Note

I meant to write this quite a few days ago, but I got in a bit of a fight with an avocado, in which the avocado won, sending my knife through the pit and into the palm of my hand - 3 stitches, so now I'm typing mainly with my right hand and the ring finger on my left. Fun thing about injuring yourself as a crohnie? I'm on so many immunosuppressants that for precaution, they put me on an antibiotic just because my chance of infection is much greater than that of a "normal" person. Also, it will probably take twice as long to heal. Oh well.

Anyway, I wanted to write about support systems, and how grateful I am for the people in my life.

Technology has unleashed a new way to connect with people. Through Crohnology, Crohns Forum, and Twitter, I have been able to connect with so many fellow crohnies, which has been phenomenal. It can be hard to be sick on the daily when no one around you knows truly how you feel. Even just simple days where I just feel tired, it can be hard to explain to those around you, or rather, it can be hard to complain to them.

I do have to admit, though no one I surround myself with regularly has Crohn's Disease, I have been blessed with a fantastic group of supports, that I can only hope every fellow crohnie has. My family and friends have all taken on the burden of worrying about me when I am with them (without treating me like I am "sick" - very grateful for that tidbit) and being there for me. Most importantly, I have to be appreciative of my boyfriend, whom I spend most of my time with, thus he gets the grunt of the disease. He gets those moments where I wake up feeling in pain and defeated, so sick of crohn's and medications that I just break down crying, and simply holds me until I calm down a bit, and then forces me to delve into an activity, knowing just lying in bed is not going to make me feel any better. I know those times are hard for him. It's hard to know what to say to someone when that happens, but he handles me perfectly. He has been the definition of patient and understanding and I honestly don't know what I would do without him. To all of my fellow crohnies I hope that you too have found someone that can handle you at your best and worst through dealing with this disease - not just significant others, maybe a parent, a best friend, a sibling - no matter who, I hope you have a someone, because even with all of my distant online friends, there is nothing to replace the comfort of having someone comfort you when you need it.

Learning to Relax

Ever since I was young I was not one to let the world just whiz on by. It's a busy world we live in, filled with so much to do, both fun and necessity, and I was programmed to accomplish. As soon as I was old enough to have a "schedule", it was always booked. Sports, school, countless other extra curricular activities, work, friends, family, etc. It wouldn't be until late in college that I would realize, in a way I was addicted to the stress that formulated from keeping such a jam-packed lifestyle. Since it was always the way I had done things, I grew accustomed to being very busy, and not being busy actually became anxiety provoking.

A lot of people with Crohn's Disease develop issues with anxiety and depression. There are many links between the two, from vitamin deficiencies, to drug side effects, and just the fact that Crohn's is an autoimmune disease, placing its patient's bodies on red alert constantly. But do patients develop anxiety from their condition, or is it preexisting? Reading posts from the online Crohnie sites I'm on, it seems pretty evenly split among my peers, which honestly seems about right to me. Even as someone with preexisting anxiety, it is obvious how Crohn's can easily effect ones mental stability (Have you seen the "I have Crohn's Disease and I'm always searching for the bathroom and worrying" commercials?). Turns out, those are actually true. If you're reading this, have Crohn's, and have seen those commercials, I guarantee your reaction was the same as mine the first time you saw them: "Heh, yeah I do that." The funny thing is, however, is that I'm not writing about this topic to complain about anxiety from Crohn's. In a completely opposite, perhaps shocking, direction, having Crohn's has actually helped me learn to relax.

Let me preface by saying, of course, if you're in the middle of a flare, and having constant issues with needing to run to the bathroom, yes, anxiety will run above average any time you leave the confines of your home. For example this weekend I went to a concert, and was stuck trying to exit the parking lot for OVER an hour. I kept picturing needing to run out of my car to the bathroom, fighting off drunk tailgaters and being trapped in a disgusting porta-potty. Thankfully, that didn't happen. What I want to talk about though, is daily stress - something I am too familiar with, and which a lot of the times is self inflicted. I am that girl. The spazzy, secret control freak. I don't have to control everything in my life, but I need to have the knowledge of how things are going to go. I work well with plans. I get upset when I pictured something a certain way and it doesn't happen. It has taken me a long time to be able to admit these flaws about myself, and honestly if it weren't for Crohn's I might still try to pretend I wasn't like that.

Crohn's has definitely, if anything, taught me to be comfortable with me (or at least to be better at being comfortable with me). Yes, I've always read quotes along the lines of "accept the things you cannot change" and other nonsense about not being afraid to be who you are. And I would say that I did those things out loud, while secretly not accepting, and being completely afraid to show who I am. But over the past few months, as I started to have more trouble with my Crohn's symptoms, something clicked. My self-induced stress addiction was causing me more physical pain than anything. That app I have on my phone (GI tracker) lets me log my stress levels, and there is an extreme correlation with high stress levels and higher pain levels. Of course, as they told us at the beginning of every Psychology class I took in college "Correlation does not mean causation". Even so, it still says something.

So, I have a new "let it go" mantra I'm trying out, which is actually pretty amazing. By focusing in on what causes me stress and trying to talk myself away from it, my moods have been more stable, and I simply feel... calm. Not to say I don't have my moments, because I am far from perfect, but I feel as if this is a step in the right direction (and I'm sure the people I surround myself with will greatly appreciate it).

I just find it funny sometimes what it can take to make us realize some things.

Alternates Please Step Forward

There are three things that I've had to give up completely since becoming a Crohnie that I just get cravings for because I love them. Popcorn. Beer. Coffee. These are things which all have alternatives, but yet can not be replaced. More so I'm going to focus on beer and coffee, because if I talk about popcorn I will just be too sad - there's just no suitable replacement.

Moving forward. I love me a glass of wine or a fruity cocktail any day, don't get me wrong, but sometimes... sometimes the situation just calls for beer! Sports game? You look like a total snot drinking a glass of Pinot Noir. Country music concert? Beer just feels more... right in your red solo cup. Same goes with caffeinated beverages. I love me some tea all day everyday, but sometimes the day just calls for a good ol' cup o' joe.

I should pause and back up, and mention that I am very grateful for the fact that my stomach is upset by the acidic content of coffee beans, and not the caffeine, because if it were the caffeine (which seems to happen to a lot of Crohnies) then daily rituals as I know them would cease to exist. Plus, that would lead to taking away chocolate which, lets be real... can never happen. I am also grateful that I can drink wine, and small amounts of liquor if I would like. Not drinking alcohol is also fine, but hey, I enjoy it from time to time.

Anyway, the thing about beer and coffee, is that sometimes you just can't replace their taste, or the way they fit into a social setting, or certain types of weather. Fall is upon us! And what are some of my favorite things about fall? Beer and football! Apple crisp and pumpkin coffee! Wah, why Crohn's must you take away these cozy comforts?!

So, all summer it has been a battle of my wits to say no in certain situations to either beer or coffee. But thankfully with trial and error, and some late night browsing on the internet, HUZZAH! I have found some 'almost-solutions' to my beer/coffee fall cravings that are starting to emerge as the nightly temperatures slowly drop.

Beer: replace with cider. It's apply and delicious, looks like a beer, and is cheaper than liquor or wine, so levels out on even with beer. If I really want a taste of the real stuff, I'll just have a sip of someone else's to satisfy.

Coffee: when really craving something other than tea, I can go for the espresso! Luckily, I have no issues with milk, so I can at least go the "cheaper" route with Dunkin' Donuts instead of a $6 grande at Starbucks (yipes). I'll have to figure out how to do this at home eventually. Anyway, I found a bunch of articles and information about how espresso actually has less acid and caffeine, so it is a win for my stomach but I can get that coffee taste I crave so badly! I included a quote from one site below.

Drink espresso. While espresso and espresso-based beverages taste stronger than drip coffee, they actually have less caffeine and less acid than coffee brewed by methods that take longer. It may be that even though espresso is brewed with hot water, the pressure pushes the water through the coffee grounds fast enough to avoid extracting the harsh chemicals responsible for kicking your stomach acid production into hi. (http://www.talkaboutcoffee.com/low-acid-coffee.html)

I purchased a pumpkin latte on my way to work the other night, as it was cold and rainy and fall-feeling. Mmm, I felt so indulgent.

Roids.

A couple of months ago, I was having quite a bit of trouble with my symptoms, leading me to go see my doctor and have a sigmoidoscopy done, which reported back a pretty badly ulcerated colon (fun times). So, for a little over two weeks now, I've been on prednisone... And this, is my vent point.

I was put on a steroid when I was first diagnosed, but it was entocort. I had no symptoms with entocort, and was on it for about a month. Prednisone however, is THE WORST. I mean seriously, Crohn's has already turned me into a 50+ woman, carrying around my weekly pill sorter and checking for bathrooms every which way I turn, but now I feel as if I'm a menopausal 50+ woman. Let me remind you, I'm twenty-three. 23. I get hot flashes. I exhaust easily (which is partly just Crohn's anyway) yet I need to take melatonin to stay asleep. I get this dull ache behind my eyes. I'm a wee bit moody at times. And this probably isn't anything menopausal, but I can't stop eating! That last bit was good at first, since for the two months prior to going on prednisone, I had begun to wither away, but I don't think my bank account wants to support the fact that I'm literally never full. And it's hard because when it's not really a meal time, I tend to gravitate towards food items I probably should be avoiding, stuffing my face with items that will claim payback an hour and a half later.

Oiy.